[Death's Queen 01.0] Death's Queen Page 18

  Discomfort fills me. “Please, rise.”

  They stand. Music starts up somewhere. This is not how I expected to feel. I'd much rather be tortured, for this is a torture like no other.

  I think about that day that feels so long ago, when I drank the Mortum Tura for the first time. When I speculated on what the cup might be looking for. Now I know it's looking for someone who didn't want the power, but I wonder about the other things.

  I may not be the best of souls, but I am trying to be virtuous, to be kind, and to have a clean heart. That I was an assassin doesn't mean I can't be good. The thought fills me with contentment.

  Finally, Nash is at my side. Where he came from, I don't know, but he shows up at the perfect time. I wish I could slide my hand into his and hold on tight. A fight is nothing to me, but this amount of people is something else.

  I smile at him. And smile at the people around me. And smile at anyone who looks my way. It's a lot of smiling. My cheeks hurt.

  Music plays, and dancing begins, but no one asks me to dance as I stand on the dais next to the throne.

  Am I that intimidating?

  I stop smiling.

  Maybe my teeth scared them off? But no. Still no one comes to ask me to dance.

  I turn to Nash. “Dance with me.”

  “I don't know if dancing with your Head Advisor is useful to the image you're trying to create.”

  “Shut up and dance with me.” I grin to soften the words.

  He grins. Not the reaction I expected.

  “If you command it.”

  Just want I wanted—to only be danced with because I'm the queen. Oh well. At least I'm not standing any longer.

  Nash leads me to the outskirts of the dance floor. The guards clear the way, so no one is close by.

  Nash puts his hand near my own. Warmth spills across me, different from the embarrassing heat from before. This is much more pleasant.

  The music fades, as do the people around us. It's only me and him.

  Nash.

  He is everything.

  I should have thought of something a while ago. Something I don't know what to do with.

  I'm developing strong feelings for him.

  “What's wrong?” he asks.

  “Why do you assume something is wrong?”

  “Because you're shaking.”

  “Am I?” He can tell that, though we aren't quite touching? The only thing that makes me shake is Daros. How can my nerves be so affected by him?

  He narrows his eyes. “You are. What is it?”

  I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. He's supposed to be my advisor. Maybe even a friend. I can't possibly see him as more. How am I going to continue to be around him and not give away my feelings for him?

  “I suppose it's nerves.”

  “From the ball?”

  I realize we're dancing in front of people who keep looking my way. Let him think what he wants. I won't lie to him—not about this.

  But I can't tell the truth either.

  The song isn't nearly long enough after what I realized about how I feel about Nash. I'm not ready to let Nash go. Not ready to face my feelings or the crowd. But all too soon, the music ends, and he leads me to my throne. With a bow, he moves to my side, stoic.

  The night wears on, and I spend time talking and eating with people I haven’t met before. My guards are close by, not letting anyone pass without being inspected, and keeping it to one person at a time unless a servant is bringing food.

  Everyone around me is unfamiliar, except for Nash and my guards, but the latter stay in the distance.

  “Ah—my sisters,” Nash says as the guards check a couple of girls. “I can't wait to introduce you.”

  What will they be like? “I'm looking forward to it.”

  They come forward and curtsy.

  “This is Belta.” Nash motions to the older girl, who looks about my age. “And this is Lanay.”

  They both have brown hair, the same color as Nash's. Belta has blue eyes and a bright smile, while Lanay has hazel eyes and a pert nose.

  “It's a pleasure to meet you both,” I say.

  “The pleasure is all ours,” Belta replies. “We have been looking forward to this, ever since Nash told us he was your Head Advisor, Your Majesty.”

  “Even more so since he told us we were to help with the ball,” Lanay says.

  I didn't realize they were so young. Not that I'm one to talk. “I'm thankful for your service to the crown. This ball wouldn't be nearly as magnificent without your help.”

  Belta blushes while Lanay beams.

  “Is it true you've fought off ten attackers?” Lanay asks, voice eager.

  “Lanay, you don't speak to the queen like that,” Nash says.

  “It's all right,” I say. It's refreshing to have someone speak their mind. Even if they're wrong. “I could have fought off ten, but it was only three. And at different times.”

  Both girls' eyes grow wide.

  “Girls,” Nash says, “there are others waiting to speak with the queen.”

  “Of course,” Belta says.

  They both curtsy again.

  “Thank you both again for your help,” I say.

  “We were happy to assist, Your Majesty,” Lanay says.

  Together, they make their way out to the dance floor, where they get lost in the crowd.

  “I hope they have fun tonight,” I say to Nash.

  “Not too much fun.”

  I laugh.

  My guards inspect a woman who appears to be in her twenties, young and fresh, with black hair and a bright smile. Though she's wearing a clean dress, it's faded with time and not fancy like the Kurah class’s.

  After she's cleared, she comes to me and curtsies.

  “Please rise,” I say.

  “Your Majesty, it's such a pleasure to meet you,” she says. “I'm here with my grandfather. We're both excited to be given an opportunity to meet our new queen.”

  “Where is your grandfather?” I ask.

  “He's right over there, waiting to speak with you.”

  I glance at where she's pointing. There's an older gentleman with a cane. Could pose a threat, but I can handle two people if it comes to it. “Send him through,” I tell Wilric.

  Wilric searches the older man before sending him to me. Despite his age, he bows low to me.

  “Rise, good sir,” I say.

  He does so with a wrinkled smile. “It's an honor to meet your, Your Highness. Thank you for meeting with me and my granddaughter.”

  “I'm happy to meet with you.”

  “We've been anxious to see what changes you are going to make,” the woman says.

  Brave thing for her to say. “I think you'll like where things are going.”

  “We already do,” the older man says. “In all my days, there hasn't been a queen who's hosted everyone who wanted to come to the palace.”

  This I didn't know. “I assure you it's a joy to do so. Tell me, what do you do for a living?”

  “I'm a seamstress,” the woman says. “My grandfather used to be a carpenter.”

  “My hands got too gnarled to do that job anymore,” he says. “But Maly, here, and my daughter take good care of me.”

  “Is your daughter here as well?” I ask.

  He drops his gaze. “No. I'm afraid she didn't want to come.”

  Ah. I shouldn't dive too deeply there. I don't want him to feel obligated to say something he doesn't want to. “You'll have to take her some food.”

  “Are you sure, Your Majesty?” Maly asks.

  “I'm positive. In fact…” I turn around to the door, where one of my servants waits. “Would you help these good people box up some food to take home?”

  She scurries over, ready to help as soon as they are finished speaking with me.

  “Thank you, Your Majesty.” Maly drops into another curtsy. When she stands again, she adds, “Mother will be pleasantly surprised to hear all that you've said toni
ght.”

  “I'm happy to hear it. Please, enjoy yourselves the rest of this evening.”

  “We will, Your Majesty,” the man says.

  With a bow, they take their leave.

  Nash comes to me. “You're a natural.”

  Am I? I feel more like a fake, but one who cares. “I want to make a difference in their lives. I don't want them to…” Live like I did, when on the streets. And that wasn't long.

  “Don't want them to what?” he asks, looking over the crowd.

  “Nothing. I would like to dance with you again before the night is over. No one else seems interested in dancing.”

  “Give them time. Maybe someone will surprise you.”

  “Does that mean you're done dancing with me?”

  He turns to me with a twinkle in his eye. “Not at all. I'm looking forward to dancing with you again.”

  My face heats, and there's nothing I can do about it.

  He stays at my side as I continue to visit with the people. Old, young, men, women, Poruah class, Medi class, Kurah class—all want a word with me, and most are eager to speak with me. Only a few seem grudging.

  “Looks like you have someone else who wants to talk to you,” Nash says.

  I glance around to find a girl no more than five waiting next in the line of people. She looks up at Nash with expressive green eyes and takes a step back.

  “I'll be over here,” he says. “Not far at all. Let me know if you need me.”

  “I will. Thank you.”

  As soon as he's gone, the little girl walks up to me. She has a doll snug under one arm and wears a tattered but clean dress. I've never known how to handle children. They weren’t around at Daros's.

  I don't know what to say, but she takes care of it for me. She curtsies—a cute little thing. I tell her she can rise, and she turns those expressive eyes on me.

  “Your Majesty,” she says with a cute little lisp, “Mama says I shouldn't talk to you, but I want to.”

  A quick peek around shows a woman waiting near the guards, arms crossed, a scowl on her face, with the same eyes as the girl.

  “It's all right,” I say. “You can talk to me any time. But we should make it quick, so your mom doesn't worry.”

  “It's not that she's worried, Your Majesty. It's that she doesn't like queens.”

  There's honesty. “Oh.”

  “We came for the food, but you look so pretty in that dress.” She eyes the material as if she hasn’t ever seen anything so fine.

  I don't blame her. Before today, I hadn't either. “Thank you.”

  “I want you to have this.” She holds up her doll to me.

  “I couldn't possibly take something so special from you.”

  “She doesn't get enough to eat with me. I want her someplace like this, where there's lots of food. Somewhere where she'll be protected by guards, like you. She's my bestest friend, and I want you to have her.”

  The back of my eyelids burn, and my throat closes up. I blink away the tears. How can I tell her no? I reach out, and she places the worn and dirty doll in my hand. I bend down to her level and whisper, “I promise to take good care of her.”

  She nods, runs back to her mother, and wraps her little arms around her mother's leg.

  I pull the doll close to my heart as I turn toward one of my servants and motion her over. As soon as she approaches, I whisper, “I want you to discreetly follow that mother and child back to where they live. When you find out, be sure to have an abundance of food delivered to their home, along with a sack of gold.”

  “Yes, Your Majesty.” She gives me a curtsy and moves off into the crowd.

  I can't believe that a little girl just gave me her most prized possession. It doesn't seem real. With the doll in my hands and the memory of those expressive eyes, it can't be a dream either.

  It's time to be coronated and announce my surprise—I'm lowering taxes. I can't wait to tell them. I'm giddy with excitement. Hopefully this will do some good and put food back on their tables.

  I glance at the line to see who's next and whether I feel comfortable putting them off for my coronation and subsequent announcement where I can make the taxes official.

  What I see has me wanting to grab my poisoned dagger and run.

  My old master.

  Chapter 44

  Every step Daros takes toward me has me more frantic on the inside but calmer on the outside. No matter what he says or does now, I’m the queen.

  No one told my shaking knees that.

  He moves to the guards with his usual confidence. I want to call Afet and Wilric. To make them take him away before he can get to me. He was never supposed to come back to the palace.

  But I can't give in like that. Besides, it may make a bigger scene than if I let him say his piece.

  If he was here to do more, he wouldn't be doing it in a ballroom.

  I think.

  I can't be certain. I open my mouth to have him taken out.

  “You want to see me,” he says, just loud enough that it carries to me. “I have something you need to hear.”

  Despite my better judgment, my hand waves him through, seemingly on its own. What is going on? It's like even after all this time, he still has me under his control.

  After searching him like they’ve done to others, my guards relax and let him forward. Stupid guards. Don't they know my approval doesn't mean they can stand down? I'll have to have words with them.

  If I survive this.

  By the time he makes it to me, my knees feel as if they're going to fall off—they're shaking so hard. I can't help it; I sit back on my throne. But I keep my head high.

  Daros bows, though there's a mockery in the way he lifts his face and the tightening of his eyes. There's nothing I can do to get rid of him without a scene.

  “Your Majesty,” he says. “What a pleasant ball you're throwing this evening.”

  “What are you doing here?” I ask in a low voice.

  “Enjoying the party.” His voice is loud enough to be heard several people over.

  Nash looks him over, his brows furrowed as he stares at Daros. If I give him a signal, he'll be over here in an instant, but I have to fight my battles alone.

  Besides, I don't want Nash to hear whatever Daros is going to say.

  I turn back to my old master. “Is it to your liking, then?” I keep the quiver from my voice quite nicely.

  “This is the best party I've been to.” His grin makes me even more uneasy. What is he up to? “Tell me, Your Majesty, how well do the people know you?”

  With growing trepidation, I say, “Not well enough, which is why I'm hosting this ball.”

  “I also find it the perfect opportunity to have them get to know you better.”

  My guards are looking between him and me. Maybe I should appear more friendly, or he should act less so.

  “They’re already getting to know me better just by being here,” I say. “I don't think anything else is necessary.”

  “Oh, but I disagree.”

  “Don't.” I try to keep my face clear of emotion. Smooth. Calm. But I’m roiling inside. Tossing and turning with fear. Why is he threatening to out me here? Does he really want the whole country to know who I am? They can’t know. They’ll have me killed and then search for a new queen within an instant.

  “Things might be different if you hadn't turned me away when I came to visit you before.”

  “I broke off all ties with you when I left your house. My becoming the queen doesn't change things.” I fiddle with the dagger just inside the seam of my pocket.

  He leans in close, his face an inch from mine. “It changes everything.”

  “Perhaps we should discuss this elsewhere.”

  “This is the ideal place to discuss what you're like.”

  The people closest to us stop and stare.

  “Don't,” I say again, voice loud and firm.

  “You don't want me to?” For once, his voice is quiet. Barely audible
. “Do what I tell you to do.”

  My chest constricts. “And what is that?”

  “I will become your new Head Advisor, and you will do exactly what I want. No questions. No running away. Simply following my instructions. If you don’t… Well, then, I'll have to proceed with the unfortunate business of telling them who you are.”

  I clench my jaw. “You wouldn't dare.”

  “As it happens, I would. I have a witness, willing to come forward and back up my words should I not be believed. You are nothing against me.”

  It makes my stomach roil to realize I'm considering what he asks. After a lifetime of following him, how can I refuse?

  Yet, how can I not?

  “You've got five seconds to decide. If you choose wrong, everyone here will know what you are and what you have done.”

  No. That's not enough time. I can't do this. I can't go back under his rule. But I can't have everyone turn on me either.

  “Two seconds,” he says.

  It feels as if someone is choking me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be his puppet again.

  Lost.

  Alone.

  Controlled.

  “Time's up.” He scowls.

  “I will do as you ask.” The words are torn from me, shattering my soul.

  “Good. First thing you will do is dismiss your Head Advisor and name me your new one.” When I don't respond, he says, “Right now.”

  I glance at Nash. How can I go on without him? He's turned into my best friend. I don't know if he considers me the same, but I'm closer to him than I've ever been to anyone.

  I want him in my life.

  I need him.

  “No.” The sound jumps out of me.

  “What did you say?” Daros's voice is menacing as ever.

  “No. I won't do it. You can say what you will about me, but you will never again control me.”

  He smirks.

  “Nash,” I call out.

  Before I can say anything further, Daros turns to the room. “Your queen is a murderer. An assassin, sent to kill the last queen.”

  A gasp echoes through the crowd. Some look disbelieving, but many turn accusing gazes on me.

  Despite my fear, I stand, holding my head high.

  The people back farther away in a surge. Even the guards.

  “You weren’t meant to govern,” Daros tells me. “It's time you let someone else take over who knows how to do the job properly.” Someone he can control, he means.