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  Despite the silence, many people are here. Probably all who were in hearing distance who could travel. Mother was well loved for everything she strove toward. For everything she did, even when it meant giving up personal things to make it happen. I always wanted to spend more time with her, but her cause was worth the time apart. Sometimes people have to do what they don’t want to do for the greater good. I always understood that.

  “Showna was an incomparable leader and friend.” The Astra’s robes flow around her in a swath of black night, the silver twinkling like stars. Mom would have liked that.

  The tears start then, hot down my cheeks. Kaylyn hands me her handkerchief, her own eyes glistening, but she’s not actually crying. The words make a melodious background Momma would have been bored with, but patiently sat through. She was good at duty. I can’t even pretend to focus on what’s being said. Kaylyn’s handkerchief is soaked before they even light the pyre.

  Jorrin wraps his arm around me, which makes me cry harder. It should be comforting, and it is, but my mother should have been here for this. I try to enjoy the comfort as much as I can anyway.

  The ceremony seems to take forever before the Aster falls silent. A villager hands the Aster a torch, and it’s time. Time to let her go. I can’t let my feelings be part of what holds her back. She needs to move on, and I need to let her. The Aster lights the pyre, making my tears come to a sudden, violent stop.

  The flames crackle against the stillness of the night until the Aster says, “If any would like to speak of Showna, please take this opportunity to do so.”

  Everyone looks our way. Though it’s not really our way. It’s Kaylyn’s way. She’s the one they all look to now. The one who should be stepping forward to take my mother’s place. But she doesn’t. She just stands there, gripping the hilt of her sword in the way she does when she’s upset.

  There’s only one way I can think to help her. Besides, this is my mother we’re honoring. I have rights to start the memories as much as Kaylyn does, and I know it will help her out. I step forward.

  “Mother was unlike the rest of us. She helped pave the way for us to have freedom from the Malryx. More than anyone else, she would have realized what has been accomplished this day and want it celebrated. I only wish she’d lived a long enough to see it.”

  I move back next to Jorrin and stare up at the stars. The place Mom will soon be. Others speak of her. Of her goodness and kindness. Of her unwavering determination to give us a better world. There’s so much good to say about her. That was my mother.

  Once everyone who wants to speak has had a chance to, the Aster and Astra toss a handful of something onto the fire that makes it spark. “We release you to the stars.”

  The flames burn high and bright, carrying Momma’s soul to the stars where she now belongs. It doesn’t matter what words are said, as long as she numbers among the others who came before us. She’ll probably burn brightest of all, eager to light the way at our darkest time. And I am nothing like her.

  “Please go and enjoy the festivities,” the Aster says, breaking my morbid thoughts. “We have the peace Showna, and many others, always dreamed we’d have from evil people of this world. Let us celebrate that.”

  The crowd floods away. It feels a little like they’re eager to be celebrating instead of remembering Mom, but it’s what she would have wanted. What she fought her whole life for. No matter how many times I remind myself it’s what she would have wanted, the words never seem any warmer. Never hold any more comfort.

  Not everyone leaves to celebrate, though. Those charged with fighting the evil, whether they fought until the end, or their services stopped being needed some time ago, all stay. They wait as the crowd disperses around us. We Zophas are what remains, those of us who knew Mother best. Those whom she led, even when it meant less time for things other mothers in the village did, like making special treats.

  Kaylyn is the focus of attention. She would most likely have taken mother’s place if warriors were still needed. Even if they’re not, she’s still the leader they look to, and I’m the daughter that always tagged along.

  Kaylyn rubs her thumb across the ball of the hilt of her sword and looks toward the stars.

  Mother is there now, shining down on us. I dab my eyes again, hopefully for the last time. At least for tonight. Tears are supposed to be freeing at times like these but always leave me feeling swollen and achy.

  The others look to Kaylyn. She appears fit to be my mother’s heir as she gives a nod to them, releasing them. They depart, unhurriedly, except for Jorrin. He waits by the fire, staring deep into its flames.

  We’re supposed to all move on now. Let her life be remembered and her death honored, but not mourned over. It gives room for Jorrin in my life. Tonight will be the night we start building something new. Something we can grow together in. But the needs of my dearest friend come first.

  I hold out Kaylyn’s now soggy handkerchief. “Thank you.”

  “Keep it.”

  It is pretty gross after the night I’ve put it through. “Just as well. My tears and snot are all over it.”

  Our laughter feels forced. Hollow. Not what I need to be feeling right now. I glance at Jorrin waiting so patiently. The ache in my chest will be fixed soon. Time and love are supposed to heal heartaches.

  “Have you said anything to him yet?” she asks, her voice low enough he can’t hear.

  “No, but I’m certain he’s guessed my feelings by now.” How could he not?

  “Then perhaps you should get him to the festival, where you can cheer each other up. Showna would have been delighted to welcome a son-in-law to celebrate evil being eliminated.”

  My face feels fiery. There’s no question of that. Too soon for anything like that. “A proposal is unlikely tonight, let alone a wedding.”

  “You’ve waited long enough. At least tonight can get you started in the right direction.”

  The fire doesn’t leave but moves to my chest where I’ve kept all my hopes and dreams. Things Kaylyn knows all too well. Only I no longer know what her hopes and dreams are. There must be someone in her future soon. “Don’t fret, sister. We will find you a match soon enough.”

  She looks to the man I hope to soon make mine, not commenting on my statement. “Go on. I’ll be along shortly.”

  Probably more like in an hour. But if it’s what she needs to feel like she can be ready to let Mother go, it’s what we’ll give her. As long as she doesn’t mourn too much and become infested with sadness. “Don’t be too long. It’s time you learn to dance and play.”

  The prospect has me wanting to twirl to Jorrin. To let my emotions loose. Since we’re still on sacred ground, I let the feeling stay wrapped inside until the festival. Jorrin is somber, still feeling the effects of the ceremony. Or maybe, like me, he’s trying to remain solemn while still here. Hopefully the celebrations will loosen him some. I’m ready for dancing and merrymaking. Ready to leave the ache behind. At least for the moment, to try to give Mother what she would have wanted.

  “Kaylyn needs some time alone, I think. Let’s go have fun, and she can join when she’s ready.”

  His gaze darts to her, but he holds out an elbow for me. He’s never done that before: things are already looking brighter.

  We walk across the field until we come to a clearing at the bottom of the mountain near the hall where we eat. By the time we reach the gathering, things are already underway. Food out, music playing, couples dancing. The air is potent with their joviality.

  “Would you like something to eat?” Jorrin asks.

  “Let’s dance instead.” Food isn’t distracting enough. Besides, finally being with him, mixed with wanting to put the day’s events behind me, has my feelings bouncing inside me; I’m ready to spin free until I’m so worn forgetfulness overtakes me.

  Jorrin leads me to a free spot in the dance clear. We spin and twirl along with the others, the thrill of being thrown into the air and twisted about exactly what my e
motions needed. They soar higher than even I do, releasing some of the ache over Mother’s death into the cool night air.

  After the song ends, Jorrin leads me to a food-laden table. Boys always want food. Maybe I should learn to cook. Not to take over a cook’s job, but so I can make Jorrin a special treat once in a while. Let him see what I feel through sweets.

  He offers me some sort of pastry, but I don’t even know what it is. My thoughts are too jumbled, nervous, and excited for me to pay close enough attention. At least the dancing seems to have helped some. “No, thank you.” I wave him away and look out at the dancers.

  The song is milder than the last one, not as good at expending my nerves, but still moving. I suppose it doesn’t matter since we’re sitting this one out anyhow. My feet bounce me up and down, reminding me they want to move, as if I could forget.

  Tavo, another Zophas who left shortly after I did, taps me on the shoulder. “Looks like you could use a dance. May I twirl you around this time?”

  Jorrin lingers over the food like he isn’t ready to move. As if he’s not feeling the beat like my feet are. It’s not bad to dance with other boys. Especially when they ask. I’m not hiding my feelings for Jorrin, and it’s not uncommon for girls to dance with lots of different boys even when they have a beau or are married.

  “That’d be great,” I tell Tavo.

  He grins and leads me onto the dance floor. Unlike Jorrin, he doesn’t just dance with me, but he talks to me, makes me laugh. The sound feels odd, spurting from me on a night like this one, but is a balm to the stinging sorrow.

  Tavo’s short, curly, blond hair is a perfect contrast to his golden-brown eyes. I’m not sure I ever knew what color his eyes were before, but that’s what happens when you dance, I suppose. Though he’s not as tall as Jorrin, he’s several inches taller than me, so it’s easy to twirl beneath his arm.

  The song comes to a close, and he grips my waist with both of his hands, keeping me perfectly safe as he tosses me in the air one last time before bringing me back down to him. As the other dancers clap, I hug him. He’s warm and soft, and it’s so much easier to be comfortable around as a friend than to know how to behave around Jorrin.

  “That was just what I needed. Thank you.” And maybe Jorrin will ask me to dance to the next song now that he’s had time to eat. “I’m going to go check on Jorrin.”

  Tavo’s suddenly releases his grip on me as he smiles. “I’ll take you back.”

  But I’m already winding my way through the other dancers who are lining up for the next song. Jorrin’s right where I left him, next to the food table, gaze turning back toward where Kaylyn probably still is. My own thoughts trail where his gaze is. It’s hard not to worry about her. I hope she’s handling everything all right and that she joins us soon. It will be so much easier for her to process if she gives into the celebration of everything they’ve done, everything Mom did. That’s why we’re having these festivities after all.

  I move close to Jorrin’s side, Tavo’s back already trailing away from us. I wonder who he’ll find to dance with next. Whoever it is, I’m sure she’ll appreciate what a great dancer he is. If only Jorrin would ask me. Except he starts to grab for a cake as a new song starts. We can eat later. Even our leaders, the Aster and Astra, chosen to help us before I was even born, are dancing with others now. They’re almost what I imagine having a grandmother and grandfather would be like. And setting such a good example by enjoying the festivities.

  “Will you dance with me, Jorrin?”

  “Of course.”

  He puts my hand on his elbow and leads me back to the clearing. My feet are ready to move before we reach an empty spot. Once we do, there’s no holding back. Our hands press together, arms around each other, feet perfectly in rhythm. We move to the music, flying through the air, twirling, moving together. This is what I’ve always wanted. This is what I’ve been waiting for.

  The beat thrums through me as Jorrin throws me in the air, catches me, and whirls me away from him then back toward him. My breath is fast. Shallow. Heart pumping like mad. I let the pulse jumping in me radiate through my smile. He smiles back.

  Everything is light and free. The music crescendos and ends with a smashing beat, dancers cheering. I collapse against Jorrin’s chest with a laugh.

  “That was perfect,” I gasp out. “You’re marvelous. Why haven’t we danced before tonight?”

  He smiles, shrugs, and looks around. “I don’t know. Guess the opportunity never came up.”

  That’s true. We never had much of a chance for dancing when fighting Malryx. But I haven’t done much fighting for a long time, and he has done less the last year or so. Why haven’t we found ourselves together at a dance before this? I shake off the thought. We’re here now. That’s what matters.

  Jorrin takes my hand, causing a flutter of excitement in my chest. He pulls me toward the edge of the crowd, and my excitement deflates some until I see where he’s headed. Straight toward Kaylyn, who’s looking solemn, but is at least here.

  I curl toward Jorrin as we walk, unable to stop the laughter from bubbling up within me.

  “Thank you,” I tell Jorrin as we reach her.

  “My pleasure.” His words make the fluttering quicken. “What about you, Kaylyn? Would you like to dance?”

  The fluttering sputters, and I try to force it back to its merriment. We’ve been having a good time together, but Kaylyn is our friend. From the drawn set of her mouth, she needs something happy to offset her thoughts. That’s the great thing about Jorrin—he’s always better at noticing these things than I am. Perhaps the more time I spend with him, the more his goodness will rub off on me.

  But Kaylyn doesn’t look as if she feels the same about the idea. She purses her lips as she eyes those waiting to dance. “I don’t know how to dance.”

  “I can teach you. It’s easy.”

  “He really is great,” I add, despite the strange feeling of reluctance pouting inside. “I’m sure he can help you.”

  The music starts, and behind me, the dancers begin, but still Kaylyn hesitates. “Why don’t you dance with Marsa again? Or another girl? I’m sure they’d be pleased to have you.”

  “Of course. Marsa?”

  The fluttering is back without any hesitance. I grab his hand—when did I let go?—and we’re off again. The beat moves through me as it did before, the music just as loud, the dancing just as engaging… but something is off.

  That happy bounce won’t return to my step, even though Jorrin’s hands are on my back, arm, shoulder, and my own hand as we twirl about. Touching me like I’ve always dreamed of. In a way that, only a short while ago, made me excited for the new path our lives are about to take. But now the exuberance is gone. No matter how much I try to let the atmosphere draw me in, there’s no way to completely forget.

  Kaylyn is upset. Momma is gone. And how did Jorrin and I stop holding hands without my realizing it?

  Chapter Three

  The week moves in a sort of stuck way. Things try to be like they were before my mom was gone and the Malryx were defeated, but of course they can’t be. And I don’t want them to. Other than the dance, things can’t move forward, either. There’s something there holding everything back from taking the next step. It’s keeping Jorrin and me apart and keeping Kaylyn from finding her place in life now that our fighting skills are no longer needed.

  Whatever it is, I try to spend as much time as I can with them both, to let them know I’m ready to move on with them when they are. Even if it takes a while. I can continue with my duties, helping in the infirmary and the gardens, until they’re ready. Even if it’s hard. What’s harder is not thinking about how much I miss my mom. How much I long to listen to her tell one of her stories just once more.

  This morning, the garden is quiet. Too quiet. The weeds are few enough that I’m almost done with them even though I’ve only been here a few minutes. The herbs I planted are thriving, twinning toward the light, just like they should
.

  The thought makes me look in the distance. The dark clouds can’t be seen from down here, but when I was at the top of the mountain yesterday, they were still there, and just maybe, a little bigger. I stand on my tiptoes to see if that will help me spot them from here.

  “I think I need help,” a male voice says behind me.

  I turn to find Felix clutching his head, blood oozing out between his fingers. I hurry over to him, trying to keep my face from showing panic at so much blood. It’s a head wound. Bleeding is just what they do. “Let’s get you to the nurse.”

  I wrap an arm around him and support him, just in case he faints. His weight is easy to help hold up, though greater than my own. Even though I don’t train anymore, I still exercise regularly. It doesn’t take us long to hobble to the infirmary. Its central location is easy to get to from anywhere. The nurse isn’t in sight, though. I guide him to a nearby sick bed, and help him lay down.

  “Brilona,” I call out.

  The nurse scuttles out from the hall and gasps. “My, my, Felix, what have you gotten into this time?” She doesn’t let him reply. Istead, she tsks and gets to work inspecting the wound. She switches his hand for a cloth, only it’s soaked in moments. “Lands.”

  “What is it?” I bend my knees slightly even, though being ready to maneuver won’t help. Too many years of training for battle when the adrenaline hits make it impossible to do otherwise.

  “Fetch Kaylyn for me, will you? She’ll have a better handling on this one than I do,” Brilona says.

  “Course. I’ll be right back, Felix.”

  “I’ll be here,” he calls out as I hurry from the building.

  It’s probably not as bad as Brilona thinks, but she doesn’t deal with wounds like this often. There’s a need to hurry but not a frantic urgency behind finding Kaylyn. She’s been all over the town this week, trying her hand at many different tasks, she, the Aster, and Astra hoping she finds a place to settle into. I don’t think such a place is going to be as quick to find as any of them hope.