Mine to Fear Read online

  I bounce from my seat and wrap them both in a hug, unable to contain my excitement. “Thank you! Oh, thank you so much. I will do my best to stay as safe as possible. I promise!”

  Plans are already forming in my head regarding what I need to pack and do before leaving. I never thought I'd be so happy to return to such a vile place.

  “There's just one thing,” Dad says. “We need you to deliver a message to Chadwick.”

  “Why Chadwick? Can't I give it to Zade?”

  “I thought you'd be happy to have a reason to talk to him.”

  I shrug. Interactions with Chadwick are hard enough as it is. What's more, I plain just don't want to interact with him if I don't have to.

  “The fact is, Zade is already overworked.” Stress lines Dad's face. How hard is this on him, having Zade, and soon me again, in Chardonia? “Chadwick can do as much, or even more than Zade in some cases, since he's not in the spotlight.”

  A message to Chadwick it is. I just don't know how I feel about it.

  ***

  As I'm frantically throwing things into my pack, I'm making a mental note of what I'll need. I can't take much since I have to carry it all, but I should be able to pack the basics. If only the Grand Chancellor hadn't closed the borders, this would be so much easier.

  “Going somewhere?”

  I whirl around to see Tawny standing in my doorway, hands behind her back.

  “As a matter of fact, I am. I'm going back to Chardonia.” I grab an extra pair of shoes and throw them in my pack. “And don't try to talk me out of it like everyone else has done. Zade's already sent three notes telling me not to go, even though he knows better than anyone how desperately I'm needed.” No word from Chadwick, though. I'll have to talk to him at some point.

  “I'm not going to talk you out of it.”

  “Good.”

  “I'm going to try and talk you into taking me with you.” She pulls a pack out from behind her back.

  My frantic movements come to a screeching halt.

  “You can stop looking like I've grown an extra head,” she says.

  That knocks me back into reality. “I don't know. It sort of feels like you have.”

  She snorts. “Mom and Dad thought so too.”

  “They know and are fine with you coming?”

  “I wouldn't say fine.”

  I snap my fingers. “Under no circumstances will you be coming with me without their permission. Even with their permission, I can't imagine having to take care of you. You're one of the heirs to the throne.”

  “Oh, I have their permission. They just aren't fine with it.”

  “Well, that makes me feel better.” Not.

  “Please let me do this, Waverly. I need to do more than just sitting through yet another useless meeting. I need to make a difference, too.”

  I should probably try harder to dissuade her. Chardonia isn't a place to go on tour, especially not for an heir to the throne. But there's a glint of determination in her eyes. I doubt I could stop her even if I tried. She'd find another way to go, and it wouldn't be with someone who knows what it's like. Besides, if the Queen has given her permission, who am I to argue?

  “A two-headed person may be just what I need for this trip,” I say, happy to have a friend along.

  “Does that mean I can join you?”

  “It does.”

  Zade is going to kill me. Serena just might do the same.

  Chapter Three

  “I understand now why we couldn't bring our trunks.” Tawny is almost out of breath from our journey up the mountainside. Though in all fairness, she's done a fantastic job so far. How does a princess stay in such good shape? From exercising more than I, a non-princess.

  “Hard to decide what to bring when you have limited space, though.” I scan the area until I see the rock with an 'S' etched into it. “It's just over here.”

  “Thank the Queen.”

  “You thank your own mother?”

  She shrugs. “People's words rub off on me.”

  I stop near the entrance. “You have to promise never to reveal the location of the secret entrance into Chardonia.”

  “Of course not. I'm very good at keeping secrets.” I suppose an heir to a country would have to be. “I'll even do the promise spell.”

  It's not really necessary. I do trust her, but if she's offering, I'm taking.

  “All right then,” I say. I think of a tie, binding us together in this secret, both a physical tie and a mental one. A bond that will keep the secret safe between the two of us. I let the spell out in a soft pink. She reaches out, and we shake hands, the pink spell encompassing our touch. Once complete, I pull my magic back in.

  “Thank you. It's just that we can't be too cautious. There's only a few ways to get in Chardonia now, especially since we're not technically allowed in. We have to keep them well guarded.”

  “That's as it should be.”

  I move back around the tree and into the cave. It's dark and narrow, looking as if it ends before it even begins, but I press on, slipping through a crack in the back just wide enough for a person. It's even darker back here. I pull my energy to my core and release it in the form of pure light. Only it's not very pure. My nerves have brushed hints of green into it.

  Tawny casts her own spell, white and pure with the tiniest touch of purple. I have no clue what purple means to her. Even after knowing each other our entire lives, I have a hard time reading her emotions.

  As we walk through the rocky tunnel, we chat, our voices echoing through the chambers. The chamber is damp and smells of earth.

  “Will they be suspicious of us being in Chardonia?”

  “They are suspicious no matter if we try to enter legally or not,” I reply. “If that bothers you, it'd probably be best to turn around and go home.”

  “I'm used to suspicion. After all, I have lived at court all my life.”

  “At least you've had practice. Though that's going to be one of the smaller problems.”

  “What's the biggest?”

  “I don't know which threat is bigger yet. The council or Zade.”

  “Zade's temper is something fierce,” Tawny replies.

  “It's only gotten worse.” The tunnel grows steeper, making my legs ache with exertion.

  “Worse? How's that even possible?”

  It's then I realize how bad it is that I haven't told her yet. The ground levels out, and we come to a cavern the size of a small room. I motion to the cave floor. “We might as well rest here.”

  She doesn't hesitate to follow my direction, which bodes well for how seriously she's taking this. Besides, we haven't eaten since we left and that was hours and hours ago. I'm starving, even if my nerves are trying to say otherwise.

  Once we're sitting, I pull out hard tack, and we munch on it while I think on how to tell her that my brother was serious about not marrying a princess. About wanting instead another girl who's sweet and kind. A girl who barely knows magic, though I know that's not why they fell in love.

  After we've been eating a few minutes, she asks, “Do I get to know how Zade's temper could have possibly gotten worse?”

  I set my food down, guilt making it too difficult to eat, even if I'll need the strength later. “The girl he owned, the one he set free…”

  “Serena.”

  The fact she remembers Serena's name is either really good or really bad. “Uh, yes, her. She um…”

  “Found a way to make his temper worse?” Her expression is so neutral in the light of our wavering magic, I can't decide how she's taking this all.

  “Actually, yes.”

  “Truly? How did she manage that?”

  I just have to spit the words out, no matter how much they stick to my throat. “She captured his heart.”

  “Oh.” The defeated word echoes through the cave.

  I'm the inconsiderate person for not telling her sooner. My words grow quieter as I continue. “He proposed, and she has accepted. They are
engaged to be married.”

  “Oh.”

  Guilt presses in on me more than the walls of the cave. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I didn't know how.” I'm selfish like that. And still slightly upset that I wasn't there for the engagement. Or rather, majorly upset.

  Her expression remains carefully guarded. There's no telling what she's thinking. Being at court has probably given her ample opportunities to practice because she's terribly good at it. Even her spelled light hanging just above her head and to the right doesn't change color to hint at what she's feeling.

  “Tawny, are you all right? Do you want to return to Envado?”

  Finally, she squeezes her eyes shut as if in pain, but it's the only indication she's feeling anything. One that passes all too quickly. “I'm fine. It's just unexpected is all. He made it clear that our relationship would be no more. I was fine with that. Our parents had more plans for us than I think we did. They're still disappointed he cut it off, though they understood why when they heard of his gaining ownership of a Chardonian woman. We heard of Zade breaking the first engagement with Serena, and we thought maybe… But it's fine.”

  That may be what her words say, but her heart said differently when they were first engaged. “You don't have to go through with this. I can make it on my own, and Envado still needs you.”

  “Envado has what it needs.” The skin around her eyes tightens. “I'm coming.”

  And so she is.

  I should have told her sooner. The thought haunts me all through the tunnel, the cavern we stay the night in, and the tunnel out to Chardonian territory. I don't know if the guilt will ever leave or lessen. Sometimes I just make bad judgments. The thought still plagues me as we step into Chardonian sunlight.

  The land is more beautiful than the evil hearts ruling the country. Hills covered with forest as far as the eye can see. Most women don't even know how pristine their country is because they're too busy spending their lives locked up. If Tawny wasn't present, I think I might just curse.

  “This is Chardonia?” she asks, surprise tinting her words.

  I glance over the forest. Rightness hums through me. This is where I belong. Where I need to be. “This is Chardonia. A place of repressed dreams and trodden hopes. Dreams and hopes we will help set free.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  I do too. Except the problem will take more than just saying a few words to be fixed. I don't even know where to begin with helping them put the idea forward except by continuing with what I was doing before. Helping Serena with whatever she needed while trying to place hints she was worth more than she thought. It wasn't enough, but at least it was something.

  A few Chardonians may have come to accept some women have the same rights as a man does, like owning themselves and land, and that women can do magic, yet there's a long, long way for them to go. The women need freedom from men. A say in things. A right to do what they want. And if most of those in power had it their way, the little progress we've made would be stomped on. The Grand Chancellor will use any means necessary to do the stomping.

  Chapter Four

  “What's this place?” Tawny asks.

  “It's a house owned by a Chardonian who helps our cause. My friend is here also.”

  My skin tingles as I hurry toward the building. Suddenly, someone grips my arm and yanks me to the side. I whip my hand out, slamming it toward the side, just stopping myself from spelling Cynthia.

  “You scared me.” I embrace her tightly with a laugh. “It's been too long. How are you?”

  “Shh.” She pulls me further into the trees, Tawny following. “This house has been compromised.”

  “What?” I whisper, but roughly. “How did this happen?”

  “I don't know. We think there's a mole.”

  A mole? My heart twists. Who would do this to us? Why would they do this? Everyone who's helped us acted so genuine.

  She flashes a message spell that darts away. “I tried to get word to you but didn't know where you were. Lukas will meet us somewhere safer.”

  Not safe, but safer. Too bad I have Envadi royalty with me. What was I thinking, letting her join me? We follow Cynthia through the trees until we reach a clearing that can be seen from the house. She stares at it, biting her lip.

  I almost ask how bad it is but clamp my mouth shut. If she wanted to talk, she would have said something. Seemingly satisfied with whatever she's staring at, she motions for us to run. We take off.

  Once we get going, I see what is making her so stressed. Law officers. And they're coming this way. I move faster, only in my haste, I run into a bush. Drat!

  “This way,” I hear one of the warlocks behind us call.

  Land sakes! How are we going to ever get out of this? We're going to end up captured. My chest burns with more than the need for air as we run.

  I glance back. The warlocks are closer now. I duck my head, not that it helps hide my tall height, and place myself behind Tawny.

  “What are you doing?” she demands.

  “Keeping you safe.” I throw a spell behind me, black and thick. A blinding spell. If they can't see us, they can't hit us.

  My heart pounds as we make headway. When I peek back, one of the law officers is in sight, and another comes into view, the black spell hovering behind them like a fog. They're further away than they were but still not far enough.

  A golden spell flies from the closest one, straight at me and Tawny. I jump on Tawny's back, throwing us both to the ground. The spell soars over our heads, and crashes into a tree beyond us, making the inner layer visible. That could have been Tawny or me. I shiver.

  But there isn't time to do more than that. I'm pulling Tawny to her feet as Cynthia bursts an emerald spell at them. They slow as it hits, coughing.

  We press harder, running until my already sore legs burn. Cynthia turns and aims a burgundy spell at our pursuers. It slows them enough that they are out of sight, but they zap several spells our direction. Cynthia throws a dark red shield spell up, protecting all three of us from the attack.

  As we continue to run, I can't help but wonder what I've done by bringing Tawny into Chardonia. This isn't the welcome I wanted for her or me.

  “Get back here, wenches,” one of them calls.

  Yeah, like that'll entice us to stop.

  Tawny flashes a pink spell behind us. It goes out of sight for a moment, only to flare up.

  “Got them,” she says.

  I gasp for breath as we continue to pull ahead. Cynthia covers our tracks with a spell I don't take time to study, though I'd love to see how she does this one. My own track-covering spell isn't what it should be.

  After we've been running off and on for what seems like all day but is probably closer to an hour, Cynthia stops us. She looks around and then moves a dead bush to reveal a cave entrance. Despite how hard the cave floor is, we all collapse on it, heaving for breath.

  “That was not fun,” I say.

  Tawny nods. Oh lands, her parents will never trust me again when they learn how serious of a situation I've dragged their daughter into. Why did they ever agree to let her come? They know things are unstable here and getting worse.

  Suddenly, Lukas is hugging Cynthia, gripping her tightly and whispering in her ear. I stare the other way, trying hard not to intrude on their moment.

  “Are you two well?” he asks us after finally letting Cynthia out of the hug but still keeping an arm around her.

  I wait for Tawny to nod before saying, “We're fine. What happened?”

  “I don't know,” Cynthia says. “Things seemed to be going well and were safe, but this morning while Lukas and I were on our way back from a walk, we saw several law officers go in the house. We hid in the trees but never saw them come out. And…”

  “There was screaming,” Lukas finishes for her, his voice hushed.

  Pain shoots through me. “But George has been working with us for years.”

  “They are determined to have me,�
� Cynthia says. “I showed everyone what women can do with magic, and they want to annihilate that.”

  Determination fills me. “They can try, but they won't succeed.”

  “No, they won't. There have been a few other girls who have run away from home. I'm going to try and find them.”

  “That sounds like a good plan. Do you need help?” I ask, excited there is a chance for me to do something.

  “I think it'd be best if Lukas and I keep the search group small.”

  “I should really move on anyway.” Though I long for a way to do more.

  “Go to Serena,” Cynthia says.

  “Thank you.”

  If only Serena's family situation weren't so fragile. If only her stupid father wasn't around so I could go directly to the girls. Better yet, if only I could spell his lights out. “I just don't know if we can get there safely now without the male chaperone our contact was supposed to provide.”

  “I can take you and catch up with Cynthia later,” Lukas says.

  “Haven't they been coming down on foreigners?”

  “Yes, but we're not completely banned. It will be less hassle for me to be caught than you.”

  “He's right,” Cynthia says, though I can tell it makes her nervous by the way she twists her hands together. “Take him with you. Please give my love to Serena.” Her voice aches with longing.

  “Of course I will.” I give her a tight hug. “I hope to see you soon.”

  She hugs Lukas. “Come back to me.”

  “You know I will,” he replies.

  They kiss, fierce and loving. I turn away to give them privacy. At least someone understands what love is.

  Chapter Five

  Looking at the house Serena's staying in, I'm grateful for the choice to come here instead of Zade's, even if it meant taking longer to get here. Lukas got us here safely, so hopefully he can return the same way. And now I'm not only where I need to be, but I don't have to face Zade's wrath quite yet. Unless he's visiting Serena.