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  Mine to Fear

  Book Three

  by

  Janeal Falor

  Copyright © 2015 Janeal Falor

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  To learn more about this author, please visit: www.janealfalor.com

  Cover Photo by Puhhha at Dollarphotoclub.com

  Other Books in the Mine Series

  Mine to Tarnish (Mine Prequel)

  You Are Mine (Mine #1)

  Mine to Spell (Mine #2)

  Mine to Fear (Mine #3)

  Sacrifice of Mine (Mine #4)

  Also by Janeal Falor

  Ever Darkening (Darkening Light #1)

  Savage Light (Darkening Light #2)

  For Michelle

  An awesome editor

  and an even better cousin

  Chapter One

  Being in Envado when those I care for the most are stuck in Chardonia makes me want to spit. What terrors are befalling them while I'm here, unable do anything to help? Cynthia is being hidden by our rebel group. Serena is living alone, away from her sisters and mother who are once again owned by her father.

  I'd like to think at least my brother Zade and Serena are happy now that they're engaged, but knowing they could have gotten engaged just a little sooner while I was there to witness it? It makes me want to spit again. And to make things even worse, Zade's previous fiancée arrived here for a visit this morning. Unfortunately, I did witness her engagement, which makes it all the more awkward.

  What's worse is that Zade's previous fiancée doesn't know about Serena and Zade. I need to tell her that he chose a girl Zade formally owned over her. He didn't just give Serena her freedom, but he gave her his heart. While the two fell in love, Cynthia proved to everyone at the tournament she can do magic, and do it well. Maybe it'd be easier if I wasn't such close friends with both Serena and Zade's previous fiance. It's dreadful this is much too formal of a setting as my mother's entertaining room to spit. Plus, my mother is here, and she wouldn't put up with it.

  “I'm so glad you came to visit.” The words are true enough, though they would be even more heartfelt if she already knew about the engagement.

  “I should have come sooner,” Tawny says. “I'd like to use my duties as an excuse for not coming, but really, I just didn't know how long it would take you to adjust to returning home. With the things they say about Chardonia it must be a challenge.”

  I'll never adjust. This no longer feels like home, even though it's safer.

  “It was very thoughtful of you to take time away, Tawny.” Mom fills my silence, pouring sincerity into her words. Since my return from Chardonia last week, she knows what a pest I have been.

  “How was Chardonia?” Tawny's question is sure to make Mother cringe inside, even if she doesn't show it. “Were the men as bad as everyone says?”

  “No. They were worse.” Which is why I should be there, helping, instead of here having tea and biscuits in a room with pictures spelled with sparkles and a floor spelled to stay cushioned and warm.

  “Will you tell me about it?” Tawny presses.

  She's just like everyone else who's paraded through our entertaining room since my return, all wanting to know the gossip from Chardonia. Politicians wanting to know the state of the government, women wanting to know how much better off we are, men wanting to know how other men really behave, shop owners trying to see if there's any news on trade. All wanting something for themselves.

  Except Tawny. She seems different, even if her question is the same. There's a glint in her eyes as she holds herself as if ready to jump up for a fight instead of leaning in to pick up every word to pass onto others. It would be like her. She always was ready to take action when others just wanted to talk. Perhaps it's time to really tell someone about what things are like. Lands know I'm well past wanting to.

  “Mom, would you mind asking Cook to make those new treats she's learned? I'm sure Tawny would love to try them.”

  “Wonderful idea, dear. I need to check on your father anyway.” She brushes a kiss to my forehead, something she's done much more often since my return. “I'll see you again soon, Tawny. Send your mother my regards.”

  “I will.”

  Once the door closes behind my mom, I grin at Tawny. “Mom always did like you.”

  “I think she's still hoping Zade will come back for me.”

  Discussing the state of Chardonia is much more preferable to this. “And is that what you want?”

  She looks at her hands. “I don't know. We grew up together. We always thought we were destined to be married. It's almost expected. But since he wrote to break off the engagement… Mom isn't taking it well. Dad seems to have expected it, though.”

  That doesn't answer my question about her, though. It's the perfect time to tell her about Zade's engagement. “Chardonians are horrid,” tumbles out instead.

  “How so?”

  “The warlocks treat the women worse than animals and those who have been tarnished, people who are spelled to be bald, inked, and barren. Then the women who they want to discard or men that have little to no magic, are taught to believe they aren't even people. They're just tools with brains.”

  “Could you do anything to help?” Her eyes grow bright with interest.

  “Not nearly enough.” The words feel so good to get out. “Just trying to get the women to understand their worth was a chore. I wish I was still there helping them figure it out.”

  “It does sound like something worth doing.” She glances up shyly and in a whisper says, “Something I'd like to help with. Not just here yammering about things, but over there making a difference.”

  Shock courses through me. I would have never guessed she would have an interest in such things. “Would you truly?”

  “I would.”

  The room is silent as I think about that. What would Tawny’s parents say? Her mother, the Queen, would likely not want her daughter, the third in line for the throne, in harm’s way. It would probably be my head on the chopping block since I brought the idea back with me from Chardonia.

  Tawny breaks the silence. “Mother wanted to make certain your family got the invite to the ball this evening.”

  I'm still lost on the idea of her wanting to help in Chardonia. Mother would want me to accept the invitation even though I'd rather stay home and father is still too weak to leave. “Thank you. We did and would be delighted to attend.”

  ***

  After Tawny leaves, I remain in the sitting room staring at nothing, wondering what to do, if anything, about Tawny's declaration. Not that I can even be in Chardonia like I want to, though, so I don't know why I'm contemplating anything to do with her declaration. There's no way she could go. Besides, Zade would have my head.

  “Are you pining for Chardonia or for Chadwick?” Mom's question startles me from the thought.

  “That's not even a question.”

  “Both then?”

  I don't have the heart to tell her it's definitely only one. Though I do miss Chadwick, it's not the way she means. At least I don't think it is...

  “I accepted the invitation to the Queen's ball this evening,” I say.

  “Oh good. It's been too long since Queen Brundy and I chatted. When I saw Tawny, I was hoping her mother had joined her. I suppose she's busy with government, especially with all the growing political problems with Chardonia.”

  “I'm certain she is.
” New rumors spread everyday, and it quickly feels like I've lost touch with those I care about. The border closures are getting tighter. The watching, even the lower class, is stricter. The hunt for the rebels is vigorous. There hasn't even been word from Cynthia. Why hasn't she spelled me a message to let me know if she's safe? Have they caught her and Lukas?

  As I enter my room, it just makes me long for a room back in Chardonia, whether one of the cramped ones or big, it wouldn't matter. At least in Chardonia I was not only helping but I gained freedom from the expectations set on me here in Envado. Of marrying and becoming a woman of taste and elegance. Of course, those expectations are nothing compared to what the women in Chardonia face, and they still don't even realize how bad it is. The horrors of being beaten and hexed by men who owned them. If I could bring them all here for a month, maybe then they'd begin to understand.

  Going there was the best choice I ever made. After Zade freed Serena and Cynthia showed everyone that women could not only do magic but win the entire tournament with it—me doing a few magic spells when no one was looking and helping with simple chores there doesn't seem like enough. I want to be more. I want to do more. I want to make a difference.

  Instead, I'm going to a ball.

  Gee, what good am I doing? If only Sanos, the rebel group secretly aiding Chardonia, would have let me help. They should have at least sought my opinions instead of just rumor digging like everyone else. If only they didn't see me as a liability because I wasn't as trained as they were, thanks to Zade and Chadwick trying to protect me. I shouldn’t be home while they're in Chardonia helping. Just thinking of it makes me wish Zade was around to argue with.

  I still can't believe they sent me home.

  Chapter Two

  The ball is more lavish than others I remember attending. Spells are everywhere, sparkling, dancing, swishing across the room in the form of birds and butterflies. Drinks are flaring up like fireworks. Dresses are changing colors and styles. Men's suits are too. It used to impress me, but now it's a waste. Don't these people realize what's going on just across the border?

  Apparently not.

  A woman approaches mother and me, hair spelled bright fuchsia, twisted up too high atop her head with pink and purple spelled butterflies flitting around it. Her dress is spelled to sparkle in time with the music, and her make-up changes every few seconds, each time to something more gaudy than the last. “Waverly, you're back! Are you going to hold a party soon? No one throws parties as grand as yours.”

  I make some excuse, but my thoughts are on the parties I held. Is she right? Were they really more garish than this? What type of example did I set? The thought sends my stomach churning as I disengage from the woman. Who did I used to be? When did I change?

  I want to be back at home, and my mom knows it.

  Mom pulls me forward. “We have to greet the Queen at the very least. It would be rude to leave before then.”

  It's true, but being here has only made me more frustrated with the frivolous behaviors of my fellow countrymen when there are women who can't breathe without their husbands' permission back in Chardonia. The way everyone here flitters about without a care, or at least cares that aren't life-threatening, drinking and talking and casually casting their spells, makes me long for a place that actually needs my help. Or someone to punch.

  When I don't respond to mother's statement, she says, “I'm worried about you. Nothing has been the same since you came home.”

  Nothing seems the same as it did before.

  “I thought this ball might cheer you up. You always loved them before,” she says. “When you told me you accepted the invitation, I thought it might be the opportunity you needed to return to your old self. I think I was wrong, though. Not just about the ball but about more. This feeling, and the way you've been since coming home, it goes deeper than socializing, doesn't it?”

  I wave randomly around the room. “All this, everyone here, all the spells and extravagant things? It seems wasteful after living with women who can't even go out in public without a male chaperone. Who can't even make their own choices without being punished because of them.” And I need to get back to where I can do some good. How do I convince my parents of that?

  “I suppose living in Chardonia would change how you see things.” Her shoulders slouch like the weight on them is growing too heavy. She has enough to worry about with Dad and Zade. I shouldn't add to it. I'm just so restless, and the words keep popping out.

  “It has changed everything,” I say.

  She dabs her eyes with her kerchief even though there's no sign of tears. “Honestly, with your dad feeling so sick when we left, I'm not of the mind for this type of thing anyway. Let's pay our respects to the Queen and King and return home.”

  “Thank you.”

  As we make our way toward the thrones, another woman stops me. “You're Waverly, yes?”

  “I am.”

  “It's such an honor to meet you. I've heard all about everything you've done for Chardonian women.”

  Oh, she has, has she? It's funny that she knows more than I've told anyone. Someone in Sanos, the rebel group, must have been talking, but even they don't know everything.

  “You're held in such high esteem,” the woman continues. “What, with helping the first woman to duel in the Chardonian tournament.”

  This is ridiculous. I did so little, and everything they think they know about what I did is just a rumor. They have no idea what it's really like. I've heard more than enough. “I did nothing but teach her to make bubbles and color nails.”

  I storm away from the woman, fuming as I head toward the Queen. What an inane country I belong to. They claim to want to help the Chardonian women, yet all they do is parade around in the spelled finery. No, I want out. I'm needed out there.

  ***

  Mom parks the motor car.

  “This is one thing I did miss,” I say. “It's such a refreshing change to be able to get places faster. They don't even have windows in their carriages, Mom. And they wouldn't let me ride a horse unless we were hidden from prying eyes.”

  Mom blanches. “They grow more barbarous every time you say something about them.”

  She would never survive without her daily horse ride.

  “The girls were wonderful, though,” I say, trying to point out at least something good since I did nothing but complain about Chardonia on the way home. She's probably sorry Zade didn't send me home sooner, so I'd have less to complain about.

  We wander into the house together and head toward the study. “They sound wonderful the way you've described them. It's amazing how they could turn out so good with such terrible surroundings.”

  I suppose I may have over-talked the girls. Even if I've been hesitant to speak about anything else but Chardonia up until this point, I haven't refrained from telling her all about the girls I now consider my sisters. My heart aches from missing them so much, each and every one of them.

  It's too quiet here without the little ones and lonely without the others.

  The study is quiet as we enter. Dad is pale and much too thin where he sits near the fire reading. Zade's so much like him, but the resemblance has been worn by sickness. It makes me ache for them both.

  “How are you feeling tonight, Daddy?” I place a kiss on his forehead and curl up by his feet.

  “Dandy.” He does sound better than when I first left for Chardonia. “How is the Queen?”

  “As graceful as ever.”

  Mom sits on the arm of the chair and wraps her arm around Dad's shoulders. Something about the movement reminds me of Zade and Serena, and Lukas and Cynthia. It pierces my heart with longing.

  I stand, even though I just got settled. “I think I'll do some reading.”

  I take a step, but Dad stops me. “Wait a moment, dear. Your mother and I have been talking.”

  Perfect. The last time they said they'd been talking like this, I ended up cleaning out the horses' stalls for a month. Best nip t
hat. “You've decided to buy me my own motorcar?”

  “That may actually be preferable to what we've decided.”

  Lovely.

  Mom shifts uncomfortably. It must be worse than I think. I plop down on a nearby chair. “What is it?”

  “We're so glad to have you home,” she says. “We missed you so very much.”

  And that's one of the reasons I haven't snuck back to my almost-sister’s yet despite the overwhelming desire to run off. “I know.”

  “But you're not happy,” Daddy says.

  I force a smile. “I am happy. I missed you both so much.”

  “But we're not enough. You miss your brother and new friends.”

  Sigh. “It's not that you two aren't enough. It’s only that they need me more.”

  “We know, and we love you so much. Love having you home, love spending time with you, love only having to worry about the life of one of our children. It's been a good week. But we know there's greater things out there for you.” My heart pounds. “This isn't where you want to be, or where you need to be. Zade and Chadwick had good intentions, but they were wrong to send you home.”

  Are they really saying this? Is this really leading to what I think it is?

  “Your notes sounded like things were hard, but you knew how to handle them. How to help your friends and the other Chardonians. To make things better. Without that, well, sweetie, you now seem to be floundering.”

  “Just look at you,” Mom says. “You're already perking up just at the mention of it.”

  Guilt pricks me at the fact, that this is what makes me happy and not my parents. Despite that, the drive to help is too strong to pretend otherwise. “What are you both saying?”

  “We'll miss you dearly, but if you wish to return, you have our blessing.”