Mine to Fear Read online

  What is there to figure out, though? I don't know what we can possibly do at this point. At least those I care about here are safe. What I want is to help Zade and Daniel, but storming in to rescue them will end in my own capture, not helping them.

  What's more, I haven't any idea where he's being held. Why did things have to get so complicated? Why can't my brother just be safe?

  “Of course,” Annabelle says. “Take good care of them and yourself.”

  “I will.”

  “And I will take good care of the house,” Tawny says. And by house, I know she means the household.

  “It would be best if you waited here,” Jack says.

  That doesn't even deserve a reply.

  “He's right,” Chadwick adds.

  I whip open the door and storm out. “They may need help.”

  Jack glares at me, but Chadwick sighs like he knows there's nothing he can do to stop me. At least one of them has some sense.

  I watch for rocks scattered through the forest as the water patters down on us. It's not too far to reach them, only about a ten minute walk in the rain. Only, when I get to them, it's not just Serena, Cynthia, and Lukas, but a couple of warlock guards as well. My girls, all my girls are here. Each and every one of Serena's sisters is here, hovering in a circle with Serena in the middle.

  “You're all here,” I say as I run to them. “How I missed you all!”

  The girls look up at me, relief filling their faces but a tension remaining. They don't seem nearly as happy to see me as I am them. What's going on? Is there some danger I missed? Something more than just the threat of their father?

  “Quick, get the girls to the safe house,” Serena says.

  The guards hurry forward, and with the help of Bethany, Cynthia's next youngest sister, usher forward the youngest girls. Chadwick doesn't waste any time doing as she asked, helping the guard to clear the girls. As they move aside, I realize the problem. Serena's mother is on the ground, hunched over in pain, a stick between her teeth. Sweat drenches her, and the rain makes a mess of her face paint.

  She's having her baby, right now, in the middle of the forest. Why could the little one not have waited ten more minutes to enter this world when she was at least in the cabin?

  “Don't we have time to take her to the cabin?” I ask.

  “There's not time for anything,” Serena says.

  “I've never helped a birth before.”

  “Luckily, I have.” But her voice says it's anything but lucky. “Do you know any spells that can help with her pain?”

  One of the guard stays behind but discreetly looks everywhere but where the action is currently taking place. I wish I could do the same.

  I do what I can, zapping a blue spell of calm and pain relief. Pernilla whimpers like it's not enough, but I don't know how to do more. I wasn't trained for this.

  It all seems to be over in a matter of moments. Serena takes care of the baby girl while I try and say soothing things to Pernilla. Telling her how beautiful the baby is. How cute, sweet, and pleasant this little girl is. At first Pernilla smiles contentedly, but then her face grows strained. She whimpers again.

  “What's going on?” I ask.

  “Don't worry,” Serena says, handing the baby to me. She's been wrapped in the bottom of Serena's torn skirt. “It's just the after birth. It won't be as bad.”

  Pernilla lets out a shrill cry.

  “That sounds worse.”

  Serena's forehead furrows. With my free hand, I cast another pain-reducing spell, but I'm afraid it's not enough. If she needed her dress spelled a different color, I'd be so much more helpful. I let her squeeze my hand long past the time it aches while I rock the newest little girl.

  “Mother,” Serena's voice is uncertain. Scared.

  The only response is a groan.

  “Serena?” I prompt.

  “This isn't the after birth,” she says. “She's having twins.”

  I can't help but give a little smile. There may be too many girls to easily take care of, but I love them all so much. Even this newest sweet one in my arms has stolen my heart. I'm certain we can all make room for a little more love to share.

  There's a cry of a new babe that brings a smile to my face. I glance at Serena. She's holding the new baby in her hands, staring down at it as if she's never seen a newborn before. But that clearly isn't the case since I'm holding the twin in my arms.

  I take a closer look at the baby and realize why she's frozen. Her plan for another little sister has been exchanged for two siblings. But not just two sisters. For the first time in her life, Serena has a brother.

  Chapter Nineteen

  We do the best we can cleaning up Pernilla and the babies.

  Serena takes a look at Pernilla's face and gives a sigh, the first sign of emotion I've seen from her since her brother was born. “You're face paint is everywhere.”

  “I need to fix it,” Pernilla says.

  “Mother, there really isn't a reason for you to keep wearing it.”

  Pernilla sniffs. “Tradition.”

  I hand the baby girl to Pernilla while I help Serena clean up. Once finished, I take the baby back. It takes some time, patience, and magic, but we manage to get them back to the safe house. Chadwick and a guard returns and carries Pernilla there.

  The whole time, Serena seems to return to her dazed state. Pernilla does as well, but I don't think it's because her newest is a male. She's barely conscious from loss of blood. What is she going to do when she realizes she not only had twins but finally had a boy? That, after all those years of Stephen being angry and punishing her and Serena for all those daughters. And when they finally escape from his reach, he finally gets a son.

  If he discovers this, how much more will he try and come after them?

  As soon as we enter the door, the girls surround Serena and the baby, all talking at once.

  “Two babies!”

  “Ah, she's so cute.”

  “What's her name?”

  “And what's hers?”

  “Why are they so wrinkly?”

  “Can she play soon?”

  Serena stares at them, numb. Who can blame her at this point?

  “Girls, let's give Serena and the babies some space.” It's not my place to correct them. I may be practically family, but practically isn't the same as being real family.

  Several groans fill the air, but they quickly all settle themselves around the room, quietly distracting each other. Too quickly and too quietly. What has their father done to them? Has he hexed them since I was away? How I'd like to get my hands on him.

  Pernilla is taken to a back room to rest. Serena is still standing, gazing at nothing. I gently go over to her and take the baby from her arms so I have two, one in each arm. “Tawny, why don't you make some chocolate for Serena and her mom?”

  She jumps into action, years of being served not enough to stop her from knowing how to make a few basic things. I take the babies back to Pernilla, who is more awake than before. I help them both get settled, not saying a word about the twins or her newest child's gender. Whether that's for the best or not, I don't know. But for now at least, they're all settled.

  Then, I finally get Serena alone. The rain has subsided so I take her outside, far enough from the house that we can't be heard but close enough to see it. Serena is a little less pale and has her cup of chocolate in hand, half gone.

  “How are you?” I ask her.

  “I'm well.”

  Of course she's not. “Do you want to talk about your newest siblings?”

  Serena sips more of her chocolate. “I don't know.”

  I can't imagine what she must be feeling. It shouldn't matter whether a child is a boy or a girl, but of course, here, it matters too much. And to have two babies to care for on top of everything else going on. I'm about to say something, when she continues.

  “It's strange. There hasn't been enough time to have an impact yet. For it to make sense. But I already know
one thing.” Her expression becomes fierce. “I will do everything in my power to ensure my sister knows her worth and values herself and my brother doesn't grow up to be like my father and every other Chardonian male who only value women as property.”

  That one little statement packed with such fierceness behind it makes me feel like maybe I have helped do some good. She's not the same girl I came to help a year ago. There's something that isn't just changing here, but has already changed, and for so much the better.

  “I'm certain you'll be able to teach him that, and I'll help however you need.” I give a wry smile. “I always wanted a little brother to tease.”

  “Good. He'll need someone to do that. The rest of us are likely to spoil him to bits.”

  “Oh, I'll do that too.” Even though I only held him for a short time, his tiny cheeks are so kissable.

  We fall into a silence while I think about how sweet it was holding him in my arms. I never did have a younger sibling, and while there were some babies that Mom took us to visit, there weren't many I spent much time with. There's something so precious about a new little one. No wonder the girls were melting over him, even if they don't know it's a brother.

  Brother. It's difficult to even think on mine and what he could be going through right now. I clench my fists.

  “Waverly, about Zade…” Serena's thoughts must be taking the same turn mine are.

  I wish I had something to offer her. Comfort or hope. I wish I had those things to give myself. But all I have is truth. “We don't know what they've done to him exactly. Or if they are even sticking to the Grand Chancellor's rule about the tournament or if they've gone against it anyway and he's no longer…”

  Her expression is stone-like, but her reply is drenched with heartache. “Alive.”

  The tightening of my throat is so thick and heavy, it's impossible to reply.

  “I know it's a possibility. That even thinking about saving him is suicide. But we have to do something. If there's a chance, even a slim chance, we have to think of something. I don't know what to do.” She places a hand on her pocket where I know she keeps her gun. “But whatever it is, I'm going to be fighting the entire way.”

  At this moment, she is so much stronger than me. I want to do the same, but I'm so broken. It’s hard to even think about him, let alone plan an escape. “If Zade knew you were risking yourself like that, we'd see the worst of his temper.”

  “I'd take his temper any time after this.” She shrugs. “Besides, he won't know. He's not here.”

  Right. I want to see his temper again. Want to enjoy his wrath over risking our lives to save him. I can do this. There's time. “Do you think we need to involve Cynthia in this?”

  “She'll be furious if we don't. Besides, she's already proven how good at magic she is. We need her if we want even a hope of success.”

  Even the tiniest bit of hope would be something to cling onto right now. “What about your other sisters? Have you told them?”

  Her face crumples with pain. “No. I need to, but I often think they enjoy his company more than mine. They won't take it well.”

  Not that we are either. It still doesn't even seem real. How can I even tell Mom and Dad? That was the worst thought I could have had. I can't tell them. In Dad's weakened state, the shock and strain of it could kill him. Zade wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Dad getting sick. The guilt of having Zade come in his place because of falling sick would be even worse. I can't tell them he's been captured.

  But if the worst should happen, if Serena and I don't succeed…

  “I wish we could keep them from it.” It takes me a moment to realize Serena is talking about her sisters and not my parents. “Not to keep them in the dark like women always have been kept, but so they don't have the fear and worry we do.”

  Exactly. “If only such a world were possible without becoming like the warlocks here. We can send them to Envado where they can at least be safe while we try and rescue Zade.”

  “And who's to take them? You're the only one I trust that knows the way, but I know I can't ask you to take the time off when it could be spent helping Zade.”

  And I can't bring myself to offer. “There's Chadwick.”

  “Please. He's more like a sibling to Zade than I sometimes think you are.”

  “They don't fight enough for that to be true,” I counter. And then I think on all those times I did fight with him. The moments that didn't even matter, but I still got so upset over. Why did I ever yell at him? “I should have never fought with him. What have I done? I may never see him again and that's all he'll remember of me.”

  “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. He knows you care, probably more so because you aren't afraid to say what you want to around him and are comfortable teasing him.”

  It's true, even if guilt is bothering me now. And here she is, comforting me when it's her fiancée that's in danger.

  “How did you spring the girls from your father's?” I ask.

  She shrugs. “I was going to get them today anyway. It just ended up being good timing with all that's going on. I figured I couldn't leave them there any longer. It was too hard on them. Plus, I thought if Mother had a baby girl…”

  I give her shoulder a squeeze, remembering how punishment from their father can get.

  “Since father had a council meeting today,” she continues, “it was the best chance to help them escape. It was easier than I thought. He didn't even leave any guards.”

  “Thank goodness the man doesn't know how to protect his most precious possessions. Did you check with all the girls and your mother to make sure they didn't leave anything important behind?”

  “I did. It turns out father destroyed all of their things in a fire. Even Mother's. They only had one change of clothes. Nothing else.”

  “Well, we'll have to fix that the best we can under the circumstances.” I want to spit on that horrid man.

  “So you think your family needs to stay here for now. Do you think that it is safe?”

  “Nothing is safe.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Contrary to how Serena reacted to finding out the baby is a boy, the other girls are all excited to have a brother. They ohh and ahh over him as much as they can. Serena was right. He’s going to be a very spoiled boy, though his sister is getting just as much attention. Abigail, or Abby as the girls like to call her, and Benjamin. Ben is a fussy baby but sleeps well, while Abby is a content little girl who doesn't like to sleep at all.

  Still, everyone pitches in to help and love the babies. Pernilla, on the other hand, doesn't seem to know how to react to having a boy. She seems numb to it like Serena was at first, only it doesn't seem to want to pass.

  A few days pass quietly this way, the girls fawning over the babies and everyone trying to keep up with the chores. Cynthia comes to me after spending a long time talking with Serena.

  “Lukas and I are going to try and find out information on Zade and Daniel,” she says without any preamble.

  “Do you think it's safe?”

  “Nothing is safe in this country, but I can't just sit back and do nothing.”

  That's true, but still. I don't want her in danger if she doesn't have to be. Of course, I also want my brother. “What does Serena think?”

  “She wanted to go herself, but I insisted she let me. I have more power and knowledge. I should be able to get in and out of places better than she would. Besides, I've been learning more about the safe houses and people we're working with than she has. I will know where to go to find answers.”

  “Maybe I should go with you.” I'm so torn. I want to be with her, but I've been so busy here helping take care of the girls and Ben. Zade needs me, though. He needs us all if we're to save him.

  “If you think it's best, though there's a lot that needs to be done and watching over here. I'd feel better if you were with my family.”

  My throat tightens. “But Zade is my family. I have to take care of him. I have to
save him.”

  She takes hold of my hand. “I promise we'll do the best anyone can do.”

  I bite my lip and nod, unable to say anything further. I gather her into a hug. “Stay safe.”

  “We will.”

  She and Lukas leave. It's a sad farewell. The days start to pass, slow and agonizing. The longer they're gone, the more I worry. What if something happens to them? What if they're not able to get any news on Zade and Daniel? Or worse, what if they get news but it's bad news? I try not to dwell on it, but it's hard not to.

  Chadwick returns with Jack after getting supplies from town. It's easier for Jack to blend in than Chadwick, but neither of them trust the other. I'm not entirely sure what to think of them both now, but at least I trust them with our safety. Jack more than earned that with everything he’s done. If he hadn't stopped to cut the spell off my leg, I'd probably be locked up right now.

  As I help them put things away, they're both silent and brooding. Something more is going on than they're saying. Not that they're saying anything.

  After we finish, I suggest we go outside. Once there, I ask, “What's wrong?”

  Jack slumps against a tree.

  “We found some people,” Chadwick says. “They are hiding from law officers in a forest close to town. They took to Jack, talked to him, and I think they trust him.”

  “And he wants to bring them here.” Jack scowls at Chadwick like he's the most vile thing Jack's ever seen.

  “Why is that a bad thing?” I ask, agreeing with the thought to bring them here. What's the point of trying to help people if we don't actually help?

  “He doesn't trust them,” Chadwick says.

  Jack shoots another dirty look at him.

  “Well, you don't.”

  Jack says, “If we let them join us, we're risking everyone here. There's no reason we have to trust that they won't go to the nearest law officer as soon as they know where we are.”

  “They are hiding from the law just as much as we are,” Chadwick counters.